That’s the end of that chapter in the book. Time to flip the pages, move on, and start a new chapter.
I really need a …
VACATION! Everything has been too much. I need a good break from everything. I wanna go far away .. away from all of this. Planning when to put in my vacation. Definitely saving up my money!
Wake up.
It took me a whole day and a night of getting shitfaced to realize what the hell I’m doing and putting myself through. I was given many advices and it went in one ear out the other. I put myself through all this unnecessary pain. Some people really disappoint me. I guess deep down inside I knew how they were yet I chose to be blinded. I chose to let their goods override their bad. I was hoping what I felt and what other people said weren’t true. I really despise when people are full of shit. They say what they don’t mean or do the opposite of what they say. It takes more than one fall to notice what I’m doing. Yes, it hurts a good amount and it still does but I need to move on from this.
I DID IT!
I FINALLY GRADUATED!
CSI can go kiss my butt. I am so glad this is all over. Friends are saying that in about a week I will start to say “I miss school”. I don’t care. At this moment, that sounds like a ridiculous thought. It has been a long four years. I cannot say that I completely regret going there and hated it. I have learned a lot and met some people totally worth meeting. I had my share of slacking but I’m pretty satisfied with how everything ended up. I do admit, I could have tried a lot harder. My grades and GPA should be better than what it is now; but, I could not stay motivated simply because I hate the school. I did not find a point in trying so hard. But anyway, it feels great to know that I do not have to worry about homework, studying, projects, presentations, going to class, waking up early and traveling to Staten Island. All I have to worry about is work and excelling in my job. People have asked me if that is where my future will be. Honestly, I am not too sure. However, since it is where I am now, I shall try hard and give it my best! Who knows where it would lead me. This is a new chapter in my life! :)
Howdy!
It’s been awhile since I’ve last blogged. I’m feeling rather sleepy but I don’t want to sleep so early. It’s really annoying having work early Saturday morning because I can barely do much Friday nights. I have trouble focusing when I don’t get enough sleep or rest; like the other day I made a mistake I shouldn’t be making at work. Anyway, last night I presented the last project of my college career. It felt AMAZING knowing that I do not have to do another school project/presentation in my life ever again. I should’ve put more effort into it but I pretty much just winged it. I cannot believe that I have 2 more days of exams before I graduate. Four years of college … that’s a lot of memories. From the first day I stepped foot onto the campus until now, so much has happened. I did not want to go to CSI but it was my last choice. Before moving back to New York from Jersey, I had a lot of issues and my family was going through some problems. I did get into a few good colleges in Jersey but my family wanted me back in New York. I applied last minute to CSI and they accepted; little did I know that it was a crappy school. I’ve thought about transferring out a few times but I got lazy. I don’t know whether I regret it or not because ever since I graduated from high school and knew that I wasn’t going to my desired college, I pretty much lost hope and motivation for school. I just wanted to get through 4 years, without any delays, get my diploma and shove it in my parent’s face .. then say “my job’s done” and go on with my life. It sucks that I lost direction and motivation because even right now, I don’t know what I really want in my future. I guess time will decide for me. I cannot say I completely hated going to CSI because I have met some friends that are worth keeping for a lifetime. There were a few that I want to punch over and over again in the face, some that I would like to see once in awhile and keep in contact with, and a handful that I would call my good friends. Sadly to say I did not really come across a “best-friend” since no one has yet to come as close as to where Sarah stands in my life. There is not a moment where I do not wish she was always by my side. Why couldn’t people be more like her? More real .. more true. But anyway, I’m glad I will be getting out of this hell-hole. I’ve been through enough there and I just want to get away. I’m not even walking for graduation. It means absolutely nothing to me because I do not feel like I even attended college. It was just a crappy school full of Staten Island high school kids and careless professors. I don’t feel the least bit proud to be graduating from there. People keep asking me why I am not walking … I simply do not want to. I don’t even want to answer that question. I can’t wait until Thursday .. last exams of my college career .. and the chance to say “PEACE OUT CSI”.
Why do I try so hard to keep those who are giving me a reason to push them away? It’s like, I know they’re not worth my time anymore, yet, when I consider them as an important person in my life I will try hard to keep them by my side, only to find out that I’m left hurting once again. I can never seem to get out of my comfort zone, no matter what the situation is. That leads to me having a hard time letting go and moving on.
